This is the
first
official
journal
entry, so I
wanted to
first make
note of my
grandmother’s
passing in
late August.
I believe
that she is
not truly
gone,
and never
will be.
Within my
heart and
mind she
will
continue
living, not
seen by
others, but
to me more
vibrant than
ever.
I’m still
attempting
to find
myself
through this
major life
change, as
she was not
only my
grandmother,
but also one
of my best
friends.
It's left me
with a
feeling of
being
homesick,
even though
I've very
much home.
I've tried
to
understand
this for the
last couple
weeks, yet
the reason
still eludes
me. One
friend has
suggested
that maybe
I'm no
longer home
since she is
gone, and
perhaps he's
right. As
much as I
will always
consider Los
Angeles a
"home" of
sorts, I've
never truly
felt
connected to
the culture
and
location. My
heart has
always been
further
north, in
Northern
California,
Oregon, and
Washington.
Perhaps this
event has
opened a
part of my
mind that
has always
been there,
but was
suppressed
for some
reason.
Nonetheless,
I will
continue to
live in Los
Angeles for
the time
being, but
perhaps in
the future
will find my
way to a
place that
better suits
that desire.
Additionally,
there's been
a depression
I've never
experienced
before,
perhaps
simply from
the grief.
But it's
deep within
the pit of
my stomach
and has left
me feeling
an emptiness
that hasn't
come close
to subsiding
since she
died.
Hopefully
time will
heal this,
as it does
with so many
other
things.
I would like
to thank all
of the
friends that
have helped
me through
this time,
and continue
to do so.
Your
thoughts and
suggestions
have helped
me a great
deal, and
mean more
than I could
ever write.
Thank you. |
